Hi! I'm used to hiding as an artist. Throwing my art in a drawer and leaving it at that. This is no way to live. It's a very bad habit. It made me feel isolated and utterly alone. I'm not a tiny, little modest art mouse anymore. I'm burning my little cave up and finally exposing my world that I've kept so well hidden all these years. This inner world of mine has so many creatures in it and so much color. It's always an exciting world to be in but it can also feel overwhelming. I can barely sleep sometimes because my brain just won't shut off and shut up. Being able to share everything I make here will be such a relief. This website is my "hello" to the world.
"Hello outside world. Welcome to my inner world. A place where every dream comes true, and when you see a cauliflower it reminds you that you have to call a flower because you missed their call, and you don't wish to be rude. Especially if it's a sunflower. Or a neptuneflower. Really any of the planet flowers. Call 'em back."
I find myself in my 20's without a license and it's been making me feel like such a dingus. And so I'm currently on a mission. A mission to be the best driver the world has ever seen, and I'm very determined. Absolutely nothing shall deter me from this automobile-independence quest I'm on. After going into the DMV recently and taking the permit test twice in a row and failing twice in a row, I'm now actually going to read the entire freakin' Driver's Handbook and actually know my shit before I take it a 3rd time. I want to pass this dumb test and move forward and finally get my driver's license. Once I get it, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm going to jump up and down and do a little dance. Scratch that. A big dance. Dopamine flooding my brain, I'll probably feel like a brand new person. A person who can cruise down a beautiful highway with the top down, the wind blowing through her hair, blasting Nirvana from the stereo. Yes, it's an extremely romantic fantasy. But that's okay, because these romantic automobile fantasies are going to make this long interim period between now and actually having my license more bearable. Plus, romantic fantasies are awesome. Anyone who disses them and advocates living in "reality" 100% of the time can go suck on a dirty tire.
*MADE EYEBALLS LAST NIGHT*
And it was very fun. I mean, who doesn't need an extra set of eyeballs?
I've been working on individual facial features for a clothing project. Last night I made the eyeballs and today I'll finish the nose. I'm calling it the 'Who Nose?' tank top. I've already sewn on the red flannel mouth and the sea-foam green teeth and the fuzzy purple hair and once I sew on the eyes and nose, I'll be able to call it a day and move onto the next project. Hallelujah!
Also, exciting news! My artistic YouTube channel with time-lapses of my art-making is up and running! And this video here of me creating these eyeballs is my very first time-lapse. Watch! Subscribe! Comment! Hooray!
It's so damn fun to make these time-lapses. I highly recommend it for every artist out there. Documenting your artistic process is a very satisfying feeling. I've also noticed that it inspires an amount of discipline in me that I've been sorely lacking. I want the time-lapse to culminate in a finished piece and thus I'm inspired to actually sit at my table until the piece is finished. In the past, I've gotten overwhelmed at the 'finishing' part, which explains my overly abundant drawer of 'unfinished work'.
I don't like it. Rarely finishing any project and then having them stack up is not an enjoyable feeling. I'm trying to break out of this bad habit once and for all, and these time-lapses are definitely helping me accomplish this. I really enjoy working my butt off and finishing every project I start and I'm excited to share every single finished piece of artwork with all you folks! YAY!
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There are times when your life feels like one big, continuous 'error page' with no letting up. What is the opposite of error? Non-error. Everything is right. Everything is on track. You didn't drop that bowl, you didn't accidentally fall on the sidewalk and hit your head, you didn't do this or that endless parade of things that could be considered a big fat mistake. But then you hear the people say mistakes are how you learn. Learn from fucking up utterly, then pick yourself up and proceed again without mistake. You get to play the part of a real-life computer glitch. Fuzzy then back to normal. VHS. Rewind and re-do. Or you don't learn one bit and you keep fucking up. Everyone is different in what they glean from what they see as their mistakes. How can we lift ourselves up from a mess that we've made? How can we move forward and be better this time? Not break it, not keep making that same mistake? I don't quite know how to put a good answer into words. It all simply feels like one big giant mess sometimes. And that's what it is, until it's not. Everything is a process, and all you can do sometimes is weave your way through until you get to the light at the end of the tunnel; that momentary light after all that darkness. Appreciate the hell out of it before it goes away again. It's that big wide-open space where you can breath again for a little bit and you're grateful for the elation. Feels like happiness. Feels like an epiphany. It is.